Body Confidence and Menopause

Today is "World Menopause Day" - something that didn't get spoken of just one generation ago. Thanks to Davina McCall starting with "Sex, Myths and the Menopause" the UK is amplifying talk of menopause of late - even in workplaces, and I remain here for it as I continue to navigate (peri?-)menopause.

As my body changes - more tummy, less waist; more skin issues, less hair - I've obviously reflected on the impact of these changes on my body image, and what I might offer the menopause and body confidence communities I am part of.

I'd suggest nobody is body confident all the time, and I know I'm certainly not. That's why there's a focus on body neutrality - the idea that we should focus on accepting our bodies as they are, and on what they can do (though the latter part requires consideration with regards to ableism). Body neutrality is a good base for coping with Menopause and Perimenopause changes to our bodies, and to add to that I've been telling myself the following:

https://bit.ly/3ELo0lA

There are some great Facebook pages, Twitter and Instagram accounts offering more ideas along with community, humour and information. I've personally engaged with 'Perimenopost' run by Lorna Ives, and mindful that experiences are different for black and brown women*, I have engaged with Nina from Black Women in Menopause and Karen Arthur on the subject also.

Find out more about Lorna's work at www.perimenopost.com, follow Karen Arthur's "Menopause Whilst Black" (great on Insta) and Nina is best found on Twitter.

What are your thoughts and tips in this space? 

Stay Fabulous,

Denise.

*I cannot comment on the experience of other minority groups such as the trans community hence the absence of any reference. Please feel free to share your thoughts and experiences with me respectfully.

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Got out of my head!

Got into some art!

I'm just going to start by saying this title has got me singing Billy Ocean, but that's not the point of this blog, so moving on😄...

Anyway. Last week was definitely one of ups and downs (not that I seem to have many that just pootle along), and so I had to be really minded of my mental health and wellbeing. I was struggling to get some reports written and the harder I tried to sit and focus the more frustrated I became.

Something I'm pretty good at is giving myself a talking to and taking the advice I'd give others both from a HR perspective and a body confidence one. There were various things I could do, but I realised that one of them was to take a break and do something creative. As fate (or faith) would have it I came across a community message about a mixed media workshop taking place and signed up for it straight away. I booked two tickets and encouraged my son to come with me.

It was great for both of us. He got out of his room. I got out of my head. For a few hours we created, chatted and competed (with ourselves piece by piece, rather than each other much), supported and encouraged by Yvonne.

We created four pieces each, each of them unique. Each of them created simply working with what materials we given - from old magazines to scraps of material. I realised that each piece I'd created represented a different aspect of me, at the moment. And all of them are works in progress that could be tweaked a little more... or accepted just as they are, they don't need more and chances are I'd 'ruin' them if I kept going because art isn't meant to be perfect - whatever that is. Tweaked or left, no grand and sweeping changes are required as they are already special. 

That's you/us too - Working with what we've got. Unique. Special. 

So many lessons in just two hours including:

• Movement is good
• Breathing and just sitting still (with yourself) for a bit is also good
• Company is good
• Art is good
• Abandon is good (in a safe space)
• Learning new things or new ways is good
• We have many parts to ourselves
• And we are many things
• Each part plays a part
• Each part is valuable
• Sometimes we've done enough
• Sometimes things are left unfinished
• Aiming for 'perfect' can lead to 'ruin'
• Things get messy, messy is ok
• Just make sure and wash your hands and clear up after
• Starting and getting something down is better than not starting at all
• We deserve to get out of our heads
• It is healthy to get out of our physical spaces too
• We are created to be creative
• We can only work with what we've got
• We are art ourselves - unique and special
• We are enough

So, do whatever works for you. For some people it's exercise, for others getting into nature and for others it's about rustling something up in the kitchen or their sewing room. Different things will work at different times. And sometimes, doing nothing is the best thing. Reflect. Repeat what works. Even revisit what didn't work this time. Enjoy.

I wish you well, Denise.

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PS - I made progress on one report today and one deadline was eased so I'm defo more confident I'll get it done well now. Phew!

PPS - go follow Yvonne on Insta.

Thoughts from a fall!

And other issues...

How often do you take the workings of your body for granted?

I suspect many of us take the things we are able to do for granted, such is

the focus on looking and feeling good in society. 

As I prepared my newsletter, I reflected on last month during which I had

not one but three reminders to be ‘grateful’* for living largely pain free in

a body that doesn't need society to make reasonable adjustments -

especially as it, and many of us, are oblivious to what adjustments truly

need to be made.

The first was that my boy was in pain with a knee condition (he’ll be fine),

and secondly I had a sore leg and hip (I am fine).

Both may cause long-term niggles... O’s issue is manageable but not funny,

mine was avoidable-ish and had a tinge of the comedic about it.

Yes, folks, I took a cartoon style tumble into mud on a walk during A pause outdoors – TheKateOutdoors. Mud - 1. Ego - 0.

In my case, I am glad I can laugh about it and glad for the reminder to

appreciate the home I am/we are.

The third reminder however was a much bigger one, and will require

major adjustments for a loved one.

All I'll add is please don't ignore health warning signs, especially you men.

If, and when, your body talks folks... Please, listen.

Denise x

(*Note: I have tried not to be ableist in this piece, but welcome feedback
on how it might be not so in the future if any of this was insensitive)

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7 ways your wardrobe can further your wellbeing

Have a wardrobe you love that loves you back!

I recently did a wardrobe audit with a client and was reminded how much more our wardrobes hold besides our physical clothes.

Our wardrobes sometimes hold our memories. They can hold our confidences. They can be an expression of our emotions. And in the back of them, we can try and bury the odd secret!

A not so healthy wardrobe is one that isn't helping us, such as those filled with clothes that no longer fit and keep us thinking about when they did, rather than encouraging us to dress who we are now.

A healthy wardrobe however is one that makes us smile when we open it. One that can make us feel good, not just hold the things that make us look good.

Confession: This is not my wardrobe! (Image from iconhomedesign.com)

Here are a few things you can do to ensure your wardrobe furthers your wellbeing:

1. Find in it the colour/s that boost your mood - what colours do you have in your wardrobe? Work out what your regular happy's are, if you regularly wear your pink scarf, cardigan, skirt etc think about what that's telling you. If there's a colour that you love but don't own, find your perfect shade and shop for it!
2. Clear it out - apparently de-cluttering is de-stressing, for example get rid of what doesn't fit (or put it elsewhere).
3. Pass on old stuff - there's nothing more feel good than helping others
4. Rediscover something fabulous that still fits - and wear it, you'll feel fabulous
5. That t-shirt you own that doesn't fit anymore that you just can't part with... Frame it: If you love it, why not hang it on a wall!
6. What's your happy memory outfit - wedding dress, graduation outfit stuck in the back of the wardrobe when it could be closer? Trigger the memory... if you smiled just thinking about it so imagine how you'll feel touching, smelling and dancing around in it!
7. Use your wardrobe as an opportunity to involve a friend - make it fun, get a group together and catch up. You may even be able to swap shop... Just stay away from the red wine!

The point is that you should only keep in your wardrobe, those things that make you feel great about yourself and improve your wellbeing.

And of course if you'd love a professional opinion, I'd gladly help.

Take care 'til next time,
Denise x

Call on: 07887 643807 for a body confidence coaching session or image services

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