Say No to 'New Year, New You'

You are not a pair of shoes!

I'm not quite sure how to explain this but my uncertainty about this concept seemed to resonate (verbally) at a networking meeting recently, so I thought I'd share my thoughts anyway.  

I asked my fellow attendees how they felt about the 'New year, new you' idea, and most seemed to feel a little uneasy about it.

It's not so much my thinking from an an isolated stylist perspective (where new year, new clothes kinda works!) - my unease at the idea is in relation to my more holistic approach to image and confidence, which encompasses and embraces my 'hats' as a trainer/HR professional/mentor/body confidence coach.

So, here's a few of my thoughts as to why this, seemingly, annual launch might not be the best thing for us:

• If 'all new' is your key aim, you may lose the best bits of the old you in the process of creating the 'new you' 

• Chances are, there's actually little or nothing wrong about the current you and having a view that you need to be a 'new you' may be too negative a start-point

• If things are wrong, it's too general to say it's 'you' - it's probably about your circumstances, resources etc too

• The old (young/er) you may actually hold the key - maybe the young(er) you is where you were happiest and/best, eg were you a creative child who suppressed it and turned into formal adult? Maybe new year, old you is where it's at!

• Maybe the 'new' will you lack authenticity - will others recognise you? More importantly, will you recognise yourself?

• You cannot (even if you wanted to) simply put out the old and get a brand new, unconnected, forget all about the past 'you'... You are not a pair of shoes! 

Maybe not perfect, but be real about what you need to and can change!

Of course, it's not bad to want to improve - just be careful of trying to create a whole new, not necessarily true, you. And let's face it, that's not a very well defined personal target. So...

Even if things need to change, why link it to the New year and if you must, think about it as 'New year, better best you' or 'New year, improved you' which just seems a more positive perspective to me (even though it's not such a snazzy strapline!)

I hope that make sense... What are your thoughts on this? Let me know by leaving a comment!

Happy New Year!

Denise x

PS - If you'd like some help setting personal goals or working through becoming your best you, let me know. 

For more:

• Call on: 07887 643807 for a body confidence coaching session or image services
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Coming back!

It's been a while...

I can't believe it's been so long since I last blogged. It's not as if I've had nothing to say!

There's been so much going on, but I've never lost my colourful core or stopped being a stylist as I get/do a commentary every day in my office with some fellow followers of fashion. It is even became a talking point when I presented back to colleagues on our staff survey!

Along with my regular jobs and styling clients, one of the focus points of recent months has been 'body confidence'. We're reaching our climax when it comes to the 'Body Confidence calendar with the new year looming. (Find out more about this at: www.2015calendar.co.uk, on Twitter: @_BodyConfidence or on Facebook: Body Confidence Calendar 2015). 

It's been a time of 'living out my brand' - whether I've been doing role one (being mum!), my day job, trustee role, being an ambassador for the Calendar Girls or an image consultant. I know I've done it without compromising my co-ordinated dramatic signature style, love of shoes and colour; and with a smile.

Co-ordinated dress and earrings, colourful nails and a smile!

And I'll be bringing all that and more to my blog soon, so watch this space.

It's good to be back!

Denise x

For more:

• Call on: 07887 643807 for a body confidence coaching session or image services
• Look at: www.damsonbelle.co.uk
• Follow at: @DenDamBelle
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Petite Pals: Look cool, stay warm.

Staying warm, staying stylish, staying seen!

It can be tougher dressing a petite frame in cooler seasons as fabrics get heavier and clothing gets bigger - that thick winter jumper that the models are wearing looks great on girls with a 'grande' scale but that sort of thing can just swamp us petites.

I personally find it challenging not to disappear under my heavy winter coat and behind my umbrella so I've put together this guide of what works for me.

My tips for petite dressing as the temperature drops (in no particular order)...

1. Wedge boots - we still need some height but stiletto heels in snow... Just no!

2. Cashmere & Merino - in your wardrobe there should be (thin yet warm) cashmere or similar, be it a jumper, cardi, dress or twin set if you're a classic style personality.

3. Coloured tights matched with a bright ankle boot allows us to stay in shorts and mini's and create the look of longer legs like nude shoes do for us in the summer.

4. Thermal undies - yes, I'm serious. A thin thermal is a way to keep warm without the bulk.

5. A cropped wooly jumper, ideally with 3/4 length sleeves - you may need to balance a heavy top with chunkier boots. However, it's best to avoid more big chunky, eg jewellery, on your top half.

6. A waistcoat (not with your wooly jumper I'd suggest) - it's another layer, shaping and stylish. For work layer with a thermal vest, shirt, waistcoat and jacket... Snug!

7. Don't forget to wear colour*, and as tempting as it is don't wear too many deep colours if they're not in your palette (and especially not as a roll neck jumper!) - not specific to petites but worth a mention all the same. Remember, top to toe colour will lengthen you.

8. Use/tie your winter scarves in a way that fits with your petite proportions, and as your scarf is near your face make sure you're wearing a flattering colour. 
(Not sure what yours are: #getyourcoloursdone!)

9. Also think about your proportions when it comes to hats - whilst a heavy wide-brimmed hat may make a striking fashion statement, it may also overshadow the petite person wearing it!

10. Personally, I love dresses and skirts but when it cools down you'' often see me in... Trousers - patterned and plain, they are a cool season essential in my book, but the frustration can be getting the length right (especially if they need to be squeezed into your boots). M&S, Topshop, Next are my high street recommendations. Need them made? Go to The clothes lady or Suit yourself suits.

Obviously we're more than our height, so your bodyshape may affect which of these items work best for you, however as a general guide and in summary: 

• Thinner materials layered up are best. 
• Don't go for anything too bulky or big. 
• Follow the usual dressing petite dressing rules, but...

...Don't abandon your inner-style rules - because worse than losing your body under a big jumper, is losing your style personality under a bundle of 'rules'!

Do you agree?

Which tips were most useful?

Are there any you'd add?

Happy Shopping!

Denise x

For more:

• Call on: 07887 643807 for a body confidence coaching session or image services
• Look at: www.damsonbelle.co.uk
• Follow at: @DenDamBelle
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Why Autumn is awesome...

...By a Summer Lover!

Anyone who knows me, knows I'm a summer lover with a need for heat*, so the move into autumn always unsettles me a little. Don't get me wrong, I like autumn. It's the fact it means we're getting closer to winter that's more the problem for me!

I like autumn because *I can wear layers without questions, I can wear more accessories (hats, scarves etc), and because I can indulge in comfort food, hot chocolate and chai lattes.

Colour-wise I move into deep greens, rich reds and plums and chocolate - all of which I love.

But more importantly, the change from summer to autumn means I start to slow down after the speed (and stress!) of the summer holidays.

Autumn is my time to chill out, as I watch nature gloriously do the same.

It's a great time to reflect (how was summer for you, what memories did you make?) renew, and refresh. Just watch how the leaves transition from green to golden brown for inspiration.

And finally... There's still time to squeeze in achieving your last New Year’s resolutions before the end of the year! 

Reflect, renew, refresh my lovelies,

Denise x

For more:

My "Mirabelle" in Autumn, by Chris Estcourt

• Call on: 07887 643807 for a body confidence coaching session or image services
• Look at: www. bodyconfidencecards. com / www.damsonbelle.co.uk
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On the Front Row...

... Mind your language

I was fortunate enough to be invited to sit on the Models of Diversity 'Front Row' with an awesome panel for a debate on body confidence. 

The debate was brilliantly hosted by Barbra of MoD who presented a number of statistics to trigger discussions - one of the points that most cases of bullying is based on 'image' and this was validated several times firstly by panel member Abi (Phillips) and then by a number of others.

Thankfully there was a serious amount of expertise and experience on the panel* for the floor to tap into so this wasn't just something that was talked about without support and suggestions.

For more of these pictures of the event by George Chiesa, go to: https://www.facebook.com/george.chiesa/media_set?set=a.10152619129456796.1073741856.790101795&type=3

After the bullying discussions concluded, some amazing points and discussions revolved around the role of the media, social media, schools, parents, designers, retailers and the modelling industry in the apparent rise in body confidence issues. We agreed that the issue of body confidence is a complex one, with environments and triggers being different for anyone who experiences a lack of body confidence at one end of the scale to the more serious issues of body dysmorphia and eating disorders.

Those in the room itself reflected this - it was packed with a diverse and passionate audience, each with a story to tell and some who shared their inspirational stories about overcoming bullying and other challenges on their journey to body confidence. One notable contribution was from vibrant Khandie Kisses who got the crowd laughing and crying with her story.

From the front row, some of the key points from each of the panel members were these (in seating order):

• Abi - 1. you can beat the bullies, be strong; 2. it's not all about looks, it's about talent

• Sam - of Men Get Eating Disorders Too said: 1. it's exactly as it says (and who am I to add more!), 2. there's increasing pressure on boys but not necessarily around 'fashion'

• Lauren - 1. the impact and complexity of body image and the mental health/illness perspective; 2. there's progress/action being taken - even at government level

• Nicola - 1. keep it real with humour, and praise others; 2. everyone was "beautiful" *wink*

• Lorena - 1. body confidence starts at home; 2. we have responsibility to redirect troubled individuals when issues are serious if an issue and out of our remit 

• Beth - 1. let's not focus on beauty (especially with girls) and/size, let's focus on healthy; 2. find your happy and skills

As for me, my observation was how much language and words matter. Bullies and the media can use language that belittles and hurts, but as (if not more) importantly we ourselves, and role models like parents and schools have a responsibility to 'mind our language',

The words we use to describe ourselves and label others is powerful and heard by the younger generation, so... We can either use our words to belittle others value or to build them up.

Thank you Robin Williams for saying it better than I, and for the laughs - RIP

Given their power, we can and should also use our 'voices' to lobby the fashion industry, media and any other influencers so that they mind their language too. After all, (for example) there shouldn't be "plus-sized models, there should just be models"- Beth.

Let's use our words to change things (and others) for the better!

I met some super people that night and the experience was a really special one. Personally, I am just proud and humbled that I was invited to be part of something that was so positive and inspiring.

Lift each other up people.....

Denise x

For more:

• Call on: 07887 643807 for a body confidence coaching session or image services
• Look at: www.damsonbelle.co.uk
• Follow at: @DenDamBelle
• Check out my Pintrest: Denise Sanderson-Estcourt
• Like me at: Damson Belle on Facebook
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*Follow/Contact the panel by clicking on the links at the bottom this page: http://www.modelsofdiversity.org/thefrontrow/ and for MoD, click here: http://www.modelsofdiversity.org/

Before the Front Row!

http://www.modelsofdiversity.org/thefrontrow/

Would you share your story?

I was approached to take part in the Models of Diversity Front Row event following my #30daysofbodypraise blog at http://damsonbelle.blogspot.co.uk/search/label/%2330daysofbodypraise which set out to promote the Body Confidence calendar (http://2015calendar.co.uk/) project.

With the event taking place in the next few weeks the excitement and nerves are beginning to kick in, so this blog is about where I'm coming from and where I'm at!

I'm nervous because Body Confidence isn't an easy subject and we can't be sure we'll connect with every member of the audience. However it's a great opportunity to explore the issue, connect with others for whom it's important and because if we can make a difference to how just one person perceives themselves it'll be worth it.

I'm very passionate about the issue, and the impression I have (based on loads of discussion with clients, having worked with models, and in writing the blog) is that most people, if not everyone, struggles with body confidence at least sometimes.

I also believe everyone has a body confidence timeline - times when we've been confident, maybe because we've been given positive messages; and times when that's not been the case.

Timing is also key and it is often the messages we've heard in our teen years that have the most impact as it is then that we're most likely to be trying to get the balance between rebellion and conformity right. However, if you're a parent don't think that the early years messages have no impact at all - they do.

For example, I'm currently experiencing hair loss and having heard "a woman's hair is her beauty" since childhood, this experience is a particular challenge and is becoming another part of my story. However it's not what's happening that defines my body confidence - the difference comes from 'parking' that old and unhelpful belief, being honest about the issue, seeking help and ultimately recognising (saying and believing) that my hair doesn't define me! It's a process and not always an easy one, but we can overcome our body confidence issues and talking about them is a good place to start.

And that's the spirit I hope I'm able to get across on Monday night.

If we can track and understand our journey we're on the right path, and it's a path personal to each one of us. And PS: as the media doesn't know us all, we shouldn't let us influence us too much.

When it comes to influence, I'm going with listening to the others on the panel. See why here: http://www.modelsofdiversity.org/thefrontrow/

I hope you'll join us to ask your questions, share your stories and views and hear more from this passionate and experienced group of 'experts'

To book your ticket, go to: http://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/front-row-tickets-11988460809

http://damsonbelle.blogspot.co.uk/search/label/%2330daysofbodypraise

Hope to see you at the event.....

Denise x

For more:

• Call on: 07887 643807 for a body confidence coaching session or image services
• Look at: www.damsonbelle.co.uk
• Follow at: @DenDamBelle
• Check out my Pintrest: Denise Sanderson-Estcourt
• Like me at: Damson Belle on Facebook
• Join: This blog!

All together now

My body is One-derful

I can't believe it's been 30 days already!

I've praised so many body parts (not in any great depth) and yet 30 days isn't enough to do them all. I've not 'done' my wrists, nose, jaw, back (not spine), muscles, blood, nerves and so much more.

It's been quite a journey, during which I've gown in body confidence and truly recognised how amazing my body is. I'm not going to lie, there are parts of my body it was a challenge to be positive about and these probably remain areas I'm never going to be glowing about. However, I am grateful. Grateful for the body I've got, and amazed at its almost effortless efficiency. Even whilst I sleep my body is keeping me alive - with no conscious effort on my part - each bit performing its own unique function. And let's face it - when one bit hurts it affects many, if not every other part.

If you have a lack of body confidence I really encourage you to set yourself a similar challenge. 

As I've said before, the ABCD of body confidence starts with A for acknowledging how amazing each part is (classically 'pretty' or not). The B is for being grateful and thereafter you can get to the C for celebrating it. Celebrate the bits you love and D-itch the focus on the bits you like less. 

If you do decide to take on the challenge you don't have to share it with anyone, though I'd be happy to support you through it. I'm not claiming to be an expert and I'll probably have the odd down day myself, but when that happens my mantra will be this...

I believe my body is wonderful, not just one bit, all of it - together and harmonious.

And yours is too. And your mates. And your colleagues. And on, and on.
Spread the word!

That's all folks (Hope you've enjoyed sharing my journey!)

Denise x

PS: Find out more about the project that's behind #30daysofbodypraise at: http://www.crowdfunder.co.uk/BodyConfidence and please support us however you can.